here is a quote from CS Lewis from his book Perelandra that harkens somewhat back to that blog I sent out to you guys, previously:

 

"As long as what you are afraid of is something evil, you may still hope that the good may come to your rescue. But suppose you struggle through to the good and find that it is also dreadful? ...Then, indeed, there is no rescue possible: the last card has been played."

 

The character is reacting to his his first meeting with an Eldil (an ethereal being likened to an angel) and he was suddenly afraid of it despite knowing it was good. I find this interesting in the sense that the character here is finding good and still being scared by it, as illustrated by this quote:

 

"My fear was now of another kind. I felt sure that the creature was what we call "good," but I wasn't sure whether I liked, "goodness" so much as I had supposed."

 

This seems to be a strong parallel with how many Christians our age are responding to God and the Church and anything Christian... you know it is "good" but you are not so sure you like "goodness" any more! It really is terrifying. Especially when you take into consideration that we know God never changes, yet we are a fickle and ever changing species. Your heart tells you one thing but your understanding of God, and the Bible, presumably, tells you something different. heh, then again the Bible also explains your heart as being decietfully wicket above all things. Hmm.

 

further quote:

 

"Here at last was a bit of that world from beyond the world, which I had always supposed that I loved and desired, breaking through and appearing to my senses: and I didn't like it, I wanted it to go away. I wanted every possible distance, gulf, curtain, blanket, and barrier to be placed between it and me. But I did not fall quite into that gulf."

 

Ugh, how I can relate to that feeling. How long have we been taught what we believe, and now sometimes when I am faced with it, I shirk it in shame. I want it to go away, I hope I don't have to make account in front of someone who might embarass me.

 

He finishes that section with one little quote:

 

"Oddly, my very sense of helplessness saved me and steadied me. For now, I was quite obviously "drawn in". The next decision did not lie with me."

 

In the story, another character comes and acts as a sort of ambassador between him and this being. In life... we realize that maybe we aren't perfect and maybe we are going to sometimes find ourselves not "liking" good. As terrifying as that is, luckily the next step isn't always ours.

 

Lord, answer my doubts.

 

Lonnie